October 28, 2010

Magic Xylophone

This following video came to my attention yesterday:

It's hilarious and all, but there's something missing from this video that I felt needed to be included. After hours of waiting, I went ahead and took care of things myself, because someone had to do it:

You're welcome, Internet.

For a longer look, go to amctv.com

October 27, 2010

Taylor Made

When it comes to singing and songwriting, there is no more ambiguous or mysterious figure out there than Taylor Swift. If you had the time, you could now sit down and listen to her three albums and still not have any idea what she is singing about. She is a mystery wrapped inside a sparkly enigma. That's just the way it is. Truth.

So, in order to get to the bottom of her persona, I sat down and tried to decipher all of her complicated lyrics to come up with a master list of all the things that Taylor Swift likes and dislikes. Here are my findings.

Likes: Boys
Dislikes: Boys

Likes: Sneakers
Dislikes: High heels

Likes: T-shirts
Dislikes: Short Skirts

Likes: telling you how old people are
Dislikes: when people older than her treat her poorly

Likes: Summer
Dislikes: the end of Summer/Fall

Likes: Tim McGraw
Dislikes: Kanye West

Likes: Breathing while thinking of you
Dislikes: Breathing without you, though she has to

Likes: Never-ending, fairytale love
Dislikes: the ending of the never-ending fairytale love

Likes: fantasizing about you
Dislikes: finding out about you

Likes: growing up
Dislikes: growing up

Likes: park benches
Dislikes: your stupid, old pick-up truck

Likes: People who love her
Dislikes: People who love themselves more than they'll ever love her

Likes: Sparkly guitars
Dislikes: Pianos

Likes: You
Dislikes: Your girlfriend

Likes: Your shiny eyes
Dislikes: Your attitude

Likes: waiting for you to come around
Dislikes: waiting for you to come around

Likes: White Horses
Dislikes: Dragons

Likes: things that shine
Dislikes: things that used to shine

Likes: people calling her when they say they will
Dislikes: people not calling her when she expects them to call

Likes: flashbacks
Dislikes: flashforwards

Likes: Kissing in the rain
Dislikes: Last kisses

Likes: Big cities
Dislikes: Small towns

Likes: you at 2AM
Dislikes: you at 2AM

Likes: Green eyes/Jungle eyes
Dislikes: Abigail's crying eyes

Likes: her newfound freedom
Dislikes: her newfound freedom

Likes: her father
Dislikes: her careless, fake father

Likes: princesses
Dislikes: pageant queens

Dislikes: Harmonizing

Likes: fairy tales
Dislikes: dark, twisted games

Likes: faded or worn-out blue jeans
Dislikes: new blue jeans

Likes: her fans
Dislikes: haters

Likes: porches
Dislikes: staircases

Dislikes: Werewolves

Likes: pictures
Dislikes: pictures to burn

Likes: dancing in the rain
Dislikes: raining in bedrooms

Likes: revenge
Dislikes: new material

For a longer look, go to amctv.com

October 25, 2010

I Love It!

From whence shall we expect the approach of danger? Shall some transatlantic giant step the earth and crush us at a blow? Never! All the armies of Europe and Asia could not, by force, take a drink from the Ohio River or set a track on the Blue Ridge in the trial of a thousand years. If destruction be our lot, we ourselves must be its author and finisher. As a nation of free men, we will live forever, or die by suicide.

(Abraham Lincoln, address to the Young Men's Lyceum of Springfield, IL, January, 1838)

Let's get right into it, shall we? In case you missed Saturday Night Live this past weekend, during the Weekend Update segment funny-man/writer/comedian, John Mulaney, was introduced once again by -man, Seth Meyers. Mulaney writes for the show and is a legitimately funny person and someone I respect. He's come out in the past before during Weekend Update with commentary on things that he likes that are happening in the world. It's a funny segment and it was funny again this week. You can go here and watch it (it's only a couple minutes long).

If you can't spare 2+ minutes of your life then I suggest that you at least skip ahead to the 2:10 mark in the video to watch something that might seem familiar if you've ever visited this site before.

That's right, folks - it appears that John Mulaney and the fine folks at SNL have ripped me off. In a way, I guess they have by just addressing the absurdity of the Mad Men previews in the first place, but they really haven't ripped me off at all. It's not like what I've been doing here has been featured on any significant internet websites like this one, this one, or even this one (which only had 18,000 views). Plus, what Mulaney did was only explain the joke that I implied and took one step further. To be fair, my whole On the Next Mad Men thing was a really specific joke in the first place (that I'm still shocked that people outside of my friends even saw). Here were the things you have to know in order to understand my previews:

1. You have to know that Mad Men is an award winning, critically acclaimed, pop-culture juggernaut on AMC (yet its premiere had only a third of the viewers of Jersey Shore's premiere)

2. You have to actually watch Mad Men episodes.

3. You have to stick around to the end of the episode to see the preview for the next episode.

4. You have to realize how ridiculously they cut those previews in order to make it look like something major and dramatic will happen in the next episode, when really Don Draper just wants you to "shut the door."

5. You have to have seen the episodes of the various programs that I use to parody the Mad Men trailers.

That's pretty specific, huh?

Maybe if John Mulaney was around a couple months ago to explain why my videos were so funny, we'd never be in the position that we're in right now. Though if that happened, I probably would've never made the previews at all because he went there first.

So, really, there's no reason to be mad at all. I guess I should feel honored that someone else out there who is funny saw the same absurdity and hilarity that I did and talked about it live on television (and got laughs). Saturday Night Live (no matter how the quality has fluctuated over the years) is a comedy institution that I've spent most of my life watching and still sometimes enjoy. There are many reasons to be angry with the show and what it's become, but this isn't one of them. Still, though, it doesn't mean that I can't have a little fun at their expense:

(Seriously though, SNL, STOP STEALING MY IDEAS!!!)

October 22, 2010

Nicolas Cage is an Honorable Dude

Though it wasn't shown through any of our previews, we here at On the Next Mad Men are huuuuge Nicolas Cage fans. Some wise man once called him the "greatest actor of this or any generation," and I dare any of you out there in radioland to prove that wise man wrong.

Recently (or yesterday, or whenever), Cage made a speech about how he hates organized crime or something, and how he plans to defeat it. You can watch a clip right here (take note of how great Nic is with a pair of scissors).

Unfortunately, the clip cuts off after a minute or so, but here is the remainder of his speech:

"Once, I even saw a man be forced to wear a MASK that the bad dudes went on to fill up with bees. Even though this man in the bee mask was probably not allergic to bees, I have it on good authority that THIS MAN HATED BEES! You don't need to be allergic to bees to hate them - they're a lot like tomatoes in that sense.

Anyway, I have three WORLD SHATTERING IDEAS on how we can bring down this terrible plague of organized crime with my help. Idea One: we somehow obtain a crime boss and perform some sort of surgery where I SWITCH FACES with this man and assume his role as Boss. I've seen this plan work once. I call it "The Great Face Switcharoo!" It's a guaranteed success.

If that plan fails somehow, then I propose to you Idea Two, where I, with the help of a fake daughter I've rented, dress up as superheroes and become AWESOME SUPERSTARS who have great knowledge and skill when it comes to knives and guns (potentially throwing stars as well, but let's not get ahead of ourselves) and we take out all the world's bad dudes through fast-paced editing and energy drinks. I call this plan, "Hey Bad Dudes - Watch Out, Bad Dudes!" A catchy title, no doubt.

In the rare occurrence where both of these foolproof plans somehow fail, then the only option left is Idea Three. Idea Three consists of me infiltrating a crime syndicate from the inside out. I plan to befriend a lower level bad dude, and become his friend. Once he trusts me enough (which, come on, shouldn't take too long) I will be introduced to the rest of the organization and TAKE THEM DOWN. I know that you're thinking that you've heard this idea before and that it is in no way GROUND OR WORLD SHATTERING, but the twist here is that this whole time I will be dressed in a bear costume. Evil dudes trust bears. It's just a fact. Once I'm on the inside, I will twist things on them and slowly claw them to death or sit on them. The only thing here though is that come winter I will have to take a really long nap, so we should start this plan in the summer or late spring for it to be truly authentic. I call this plan, "Bear Plan."

So with my help, we can all make this world a little less Bangkok Dangerous.

This is Nicolas Cage signing off.

Nicolas Cage"

For a longer look go to amctv.com.

October 21, 2010

Partners Meeting

Ok, so it looks like I'll still be using this site for something between seasons. I can't promise I'll update it frequently, but if I feel like doing something (anything really) this is where it's going to happen. There WILL BE new accounts!

So, until next time, always remember to......

October 17, 2010

Mad Men

I'll take this time to mention that we were picked up for a second season.

October 12, 2010

October 11, 2010

The Office (US)

We kick off our last week with a little bit of Office drama...

October 8, 2010

Saved by the Bell

I was hoping to premiere this at The Max, but stupid Jeff wouldn't let me.

October 3, 2010


I think I may do about 100 more Seinfeld episodes.

Peep Show

Going back across the pond for the funniest show on television.

October 1, 2010